The Problem with Summers

“‘Cause a little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.” — John Mayer

As a mother of three, the ending of the summer months has been a cause for celebration. Yes, we parents celebrate! We celebrate the ending of cleaning constantly after children. Reminding them to wipe their dirty feet before coming in. Making daily lunches or making arrangements for their care while we work. We may even miss the homework nights… “who said that?”… I did. It kept them busy, plus we had a chance to see what they were learning. Yes, the summer sometimes threw a wrench in our plans, and required us to rearrange them. It would sometimes cause chaos at home if the kids were not kept busy. Truly, summer gave us more work to do than we cared to do.

Yet, we loved the summer months! We got a chance to enjoy being with the kids more. We used summer as an excuse to get more time off, with the illusions of VACATIONS! We would travel, enjoy the USA, it’s history, geology and people. This is the time when we formed many memories that we like to look back at and laugh. It is when the kids were creative….very creative… very, very creative which brought laughter or frustration. It is the time to be yourself without the influences of those at school. It is a time to go and investigate, play in the sun, or in the water, or dirt… Summer gave us time to enjoy a bit of freedom.

2010 Estrella in Old San Juan

Celeste by the beach of Barceloneta PR 2012

2009 Aliza in West Virginia

Our last camp out? 2017

So summers can be a bitter-sweet time of the year.

And now is over…

Well, now my summer was not the same as it has been in the past. The kids are all grown up…. seperated by their own responsibilities. It was quiet at home this summer. It lacked the cheerful stories of “Guess what Mom…” and the yelling of “She started it…” and the creativeness of “look what I made…” No groups of kids gathering in my livingroom to play the Xbox causing loud cheers to rumble through my walls. No, this year, each of the girls had there own thing. I didn’t even get to see my youngest more than for 2 1/2 weeks. My oldest never got a chance to visit us with her husband, and my middle child…. well she was here physically (LOL) but was constantly taken away by the internet, her online job and relationships. Yes, this summer was unlike any other… it was just odd…and severely quiet..

Yes, the problem with summers is that they are too long, too short, and not enough of them.

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”

Ecclesiastes 8:15

I thank God that we enjoyed everyone of them with their quirks and all. The memories that were created, and the ones we may never want to revisit…ha ha ha…Those loud crazy moments are the ones I cherish the most. From the first touch of ocean my girls felt, to their first camping out, to their first trip on the plane to even the first bug (or boy) they brought home… to their first video game audience… every moment was a wonder… no matter the hard work and headaches.

Todd and I at a Pastoral event this summer

Camp Arrowhead…enjoying the river (1st time coming w/out kids)

So I enjoyed life… as unique as it was. Looking forward to the years and the differences they bring…  learning to enjoy the past life more, as the future life shrinks.  Enjoying the unique memories that this change of summer’s seasons began. To expect the laughter once again someday with future grandkids (who knows when that will be)… Meanwhile I will enjoy the silence and maybe even take advantage to read more, play games myself and visit places with my husband. Hanging around with my sister, dad or brother… I think… (Hopefully not often). I look forward to new unique summers to come, creating new and unique memories. Being thankful that I’m not hosting a gang of kids… because now I have the Xbox to myself! (At least until the girls show up again or my nephew is old enough).

The Problem w/ “MY” birthday

 

My family celebrates 5 birthdays (one not present) and one college graduation in May…so why can’t I?

“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well.” –unknown

“Did you you know that I just turned the age my mother was in her last year of life? And Erica is the age that I was when she passed away?” I asked my husband thoughtfully as we drove back to our Texan home on my birthday through the highways of Oklahoma.

“It just makes me think…” I half said and thought to myself.

What I didn’t tell him is that for the past 5 days I was living in a quiet fear of the “what if’s”: “Did she know it would be her last year?” “What if this is my last year?” “What if my daughters go through what I went through?”  “What if my mother woud have lived longer?”….and so it went. I had to tell myself over and over again, “I have to get through this year.” And when that wasn’t helping because the fear of death kept creeping in with it’s ugly head… I prayed… and prayed and begged… (To get rid off those negative thoughts)

It had been an emotional 5 days…  I kept avoiding thinking about these things, a birthday that I regret even having. Yes, fears got the best of me often, no matter how often I pushed back. Until I realized… I was going about it the wrong way. I was letting fears conquer me. I was letting the “what if’s” depress me. I was letting the event of losing my mother overwhelm my possible future.  And I was letting the lack of joyful celebration ruin my special day. I was not looking at it from God’s perspective nor through His loving purpose for me.

It is then that I realized the amazing Godly life of loving service my mother displayed and lived during her last year of life. It is then I was reminded of my favorite Bible verse that she lived out so well: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Phillipians 1:21

 

 

My Mother lived the life that the apostle Paul talked about in Phillipians chapter 1. More specificcally in verses 19-26: “for I know that through your prayers and God’s provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance.  I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!  I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;  but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.  Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith,  so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.” (NIV)

As I went through my memories I realized Mother was celebrating her life, even after knowing it wouldn’t be long. She spent her last 11 months sharing the love of God, challenging her lost friends and families to find peace, joy and true forgiveness (and love) in Chrsit Jesus. She spent her time singing, enjoying life, even a trip to Tikal with her family, (even though it was to be her last, but I think she knew it). She lived her life for Chirst and for the sake of others. She lived a life worthy of her call, to the fullest of God.

I realized then, this is the life I want to continue to live and live it to the fullest, even if I too only had one year to live. Though I have a strong feeling God is granting me many more.

As we drove closer to home…it hit me. I shouldn’t be afraid. It was unfounded fears that kept me from trully enjoying this day. It is a gift from God. It is meant to be lived as He lived for me.

So, as I accept my birthday and my age, I decide to commit my life more deeply to living it for Christ. Sharing the Gospel. Loving others as God loves me. Helping those who need Christ find Him. Striving more and more to be Christlike and last but not least enjoying life, my family, friends and more. Because my life is a gift regardless for how long it has been gifted. This is the legacy I want to leave, as my mother did. I pray and hope that through my being on this earth, with my family, friends and church, I live a life of joy, faith and godly love, in all the while helping others do the same. For there is so much to do, to give, to share, to love in this world and until the time comes, I will remain here living for Christ.

Therefore, I thank God for another year of life. I thank him for creating me so unique. I thank Him for calling me to serve. “May my life, Lord,  be your reflection…may it be worthy of my call and the gift of life you have given me.” So I will celebrate! I will celebrate this unique life and I will live it uniquely for Christ.

 ^“So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ” – Colossians 1:10